Thursday, September 29, 2011
The author Scott Sanders reflects back on the guilt he he felt at a young age, feeling responsible for his fathers drinking. His own 10 year old son blames himself when he see's his father unhappy. He describes this on page 203 paragraph 53, "I am moved to write these pages now because my own son, at the age of 10, is taking on himself the griefs of the world, and in particular the griefs of his father. He tells me that when I am gripped by sadness, he feels responsible; he feels there must be something he can do to spring me from depression, to fix my life and crushing sense of responsibility is exactly what I felt at the age of 10 in the face of my fathers drinking." I feel that the author shared this in his story to show that it was normal for a child at a young age to blame themselves for their parents being depressed, unhappy or having a problem. It is how he felt when he was younger and it is now what his own son feels. What struck me the most was why he felt so responsible for his fathers drinking. Even years after when he was an adult he would still think about in depression and blame himself for his father being an alcohlic which in most cases was not the reason. His own son as well felt responsible for his father being depressed. He didnt want the same for his kid as he felt. Thats why at the end of the paragraph he reveals, "I write, therefore, to drag into the light what eats at me-the fear, the guilt, the shame- so that my own children may be spared." I feel that he is writing this story about his life as a theraputic teqnique, because he never shared his feelings about his father, so he kept everything bottled up inside, which only made him depressed. He is writing about the fear, the guilt, and the shame to be able to have it out in the open and not have everything bottled up that it eats away at him.